August 6, 2015


Filed under: Uncategorized — Knitman @ 1:08 pm

Well I don’t think I shall ask for your help to go to sleep again!

I woke up at 1:15 PM! But I did sleep soundly and it was only six hours.

John’s home today and I can’t wait. I love my time on my own because I can do as I please without having to think about him. This entails watching what I want on the DVD player or on Amazon prime and I can also have the music volume as high as I like. I have not lost the taste for my music to be allowed since I was a teenager. We are not talking heavy metal here. No. We are talking female folk singers and male folk singers and things like tangerine dream and Mike Oldfield. I just think they’ll sound better loud.

This last few days have got me thinking about the theme which many of you have shared with me: that I should honour myself. Now for a British person this is really difficult because you on other people you hold them in high esteem usually because they have done something great.

Honouring myself seems not quite right. These last three days which are now over and done with have maybe shown me something different.

I am not at all sure about the honouring part that I certainly see that I really need to give myself credit for all that I have done to get to where I am now. I deserve to recognise that feat that I have accomplished regardless of what others might think. I only truly know what I went through and how the recovery process has been excruciating. Yet I am here and spiritually intact and my personality was not crushed. I do deserve credit for this and I deserve my own credit. I have been so hard on myself and was never able to accept compliments or the idea that I have done something remarkable. But I have done something remarkable and I did not have a whole team of experts behind me. I have the loving support of my husband and some friends who are no longer in my life and I’m beginning to see that that is meant to be.



  1. It’s good to hear from you Colin and you sound so positive! I’ve deactivated my fb for a couple of weeks (long, ugly story) so I’ve really been feeling out of the loop. Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!

    Comment by Patricia Holm — August 6, 2015 @ 3:34 pm

    • I hope to see you back on FB. I find the best way to deal with those who vex is to block them, not leave. Of course I don’t know the back story. I do hope we see you back. I miss your insights.

      Comment by Knitman — August 6, 2015 @ 9:28 pm

      • Thank you Colin, it’s nice to be missed. I will automatically be back in two weeks from when I deactivated. I had a very obscene post appear on my page that involved incest and oral sex. I reacted without thinking and quickly removed it. I should have reported it to fab. As I didn’t know where it came from I deactivated, hoping things would settle down. Time will tell!

        Comment by Patricia Holm — August 7, 2015 @ 3:04 am

  2. What a terrible shock for you. There are soem very disturbed people out there. So you could have reported it but what did was totally a normal reaction. I probably would have done the same. When shocked like that we don’t think, we react. It’s okay. FB is generally safe. x (at least I have never had much unpleasantness and when I do I block immediately. No second chances.)

    Comment by Knitman — August 7, 2015 @ 10:54 pm

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