February 14, 2016


Filed under: Uncategorized — Knitman @ 2:46 pm

John got up twice because our neighbours get up about 5am and leave their car running to warm it up and then they leave. Not complaining about that. I did that even earlier for dog shows. However it makes Lydia bark. John got up the first time to shut her up and the second time for the same when my neighbours returned at 8:30. I told him to cage the 3 who sleep in the kitchen. This worked and Lydia didn’t make another peep.

However, I then fell into a deep sleep and awoke at 12 and all was quiet. I called out to John several times and got upset and panicky when he didn’t answer. He didn’t have his hearing aids in. I knew this but it is moments like this that I feel the terror of being alone, without my John. Which is why I reject it when people tell me how courageous I am. I haven’t ever said the above before. I fear my own demise too. The one trip we all must take alone.

Anyway, I thought that maybe a different sound would alert him so I banged his show heel on the floor. He answered straight away. He came up. He didn’t need to ask what I wanted. He didn’t say anything. He just held me and soothed my back.

A morbid piece today.



  1. Not morbid, dear Colin. A glimpse into your fears. XOXOXO from Vancouver.

    Comment by Patricia Holm — February 14, 2016 @ 4:50 pm

  2. Thank you kindly.

    Comment by Knitman — February 15, 2016 @ 5:33 pm

  3. Not morbid at all. Extraordinarily normal!!! And honest.
    Love you,

    Comment by fuguestateknits — February 19, 2016 @ 7:16 am

  4. I was here !!! … smiles … Love, cat.

    Comment by cat — March 3, 2016 @ 4:00 pm

  5. I still read whatever you post on colinknits. When I try to leave comments on your colinknits blog, blogger won’t let me. It says ‘opening” but never opens to let me post. That is why you are getting fewer comments there. I didn’t know about this blog. I hope yu are doing well. Julie in San Diego

    Comment by Julie in San Diego — March 7, 2016 @ 8:58 pm

    • Thank you Julie. No idea what is with the Blogger blog.

      Comment by Knitman — March 7, 2016 @ 11:23 pm

  6. Hi, I am checking your blog(s) periodically. I don’t know why, but I have the feeling that you are a person worth knowing. If I have something to say, I will.
    Best Wishes,

    Comment by Grandma Maria — March 9, 2016 @ 6:52 pm

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